OCD, the PhD and Me

I can’t believe it’s been over a month since I last blogged. Things have been busy what with teaching, marking, PhDing and Christmas. I’ve not been feeling my best either, so I’ve been feeling really demotivated. I kept trying to write things, but it just felt like I had nothing of value to share. But I know that if I don’t write anything soon I’ll just end up giving up completely on the blog, and I don’t want to do that because blogging has been really helpful for me…so here I am. I don’t have anything particularly insightful to blog about, but I thought that maybe I could just write about what I’ve been up to since I last blogged.

As a second year PhD student, I’ve been doing some teaching at a local university (for those who have read my blog before, you may know that I don’t live near the university I’m studying at. So I’ve been teaching at a different university, one that’s closer to home). This has taken up quite a lot of time. I’ve been delivering the seminars for two different modules, one on The Odyssey and The Oresteia, and one on the Aeneid. It’s been a really great experience, and it’s really developed my confidence. I was also asked to mark the assignments for one of my modules, which was the first time I have ever done any marking. It was an interesting experience, I don’t think I went about it in a very time efficient way, so it ended up taking twice the amount of time that it probably should have! But again, I’m grateful for the experience. One of my favourite things about doing a PhD is all the experiences it has provided me with. I feel like I’m developing a wide range of transferable skills, which will be useful in a range of careers.

I’ve also been doing some work for the Classics Hub in Bristol, who I’m employed by remotely. It’s mainly clerical stuff, but again it just adds to the experiences that the PhD has provided me with. I was also down in Bristol co-delivering an Access to Bristol session a few weeks ago. This was designed to showcase what doing a Classics degree is like for prospective students.

In addition, I’ve also been working once a week at a local pub to try and get some extra cash (which is such a joke because the pay is rubbish). I really don’t enjoy this job for many reasons. Firstly, it’s proved a huge trigger for my OCD, and since being there I’ve noticed that my OCD has been getting worse. It is also a big trigger for my anxiety. I needed specific days off so that I can teach, and I don’t think all the staff are happy about it and I just feel like I’m always being talked about because of this. Plus, whenever I go in for my shifts, my colleagues barely talk to me, they just stand in their cliques talking together ignoring that I’m there. And they change the hours at really short notice, which is really unfair. And when I said I couldn’t do the changed hours, the manager tried to suggest I’d got my shift times wrong, not them. Suffice to say, it’s having a real impact on my mental health. But I need the money, so I don’t really know what to do.

As you can see, I’ve been incredibly busy– all while trying to do a PhD. So I’ve not been feeling great, but I’m doing better than I was a couple of weeks back. And I’m really looking forward to spending Christmas with my partner and family. I hope that you all have a happy Christmas and sending lots of good wishes for the New Year!

Thanks for reading!